you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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