do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
