I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
