Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
