you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
