dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
