I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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