he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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