I just pynch a tree in the face
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize