She said her name was "party"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
