do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
