3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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