He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
