I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
