turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
