i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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