we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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