i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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