Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
