I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
