Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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