I met the friendliest cop last night
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
