I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
