Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
