i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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