if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
