i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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