Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
