I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
