The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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