glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
