Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
