he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
