you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
