woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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