he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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