Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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