I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
