8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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