I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
