My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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