I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
