He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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