Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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