Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
