i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
