I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
