The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
