maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
