He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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