so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
