i jhust puked up my retainher.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
