They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
