So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
