my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen