I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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