Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
