i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
