cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
