she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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