you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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