yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
