I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's blow job season.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
