He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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