and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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