If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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